Saturday, 16 June 2012

The perils of being a female driver !!!

I start this blog with a warning! Yes, a warning that it is rant against everything that makes a girl feel inadequate. Well before you close this page and run for cover my dear reader..let me tell you it all started with my trying to act like a responsible adult!!! 

I swear, it is a constant struggle for people to take me seriously. I am one of those girls who always end up in the middle of the most embarrassing situations imaginable! I always start with lofty goals and end up in a muddle. Let me tell you about my latest misadventure which, only made me into a typical feminine stereotype. 

It was my parents anniversary last Tuesday and I had a big surprise planned out. Everything was going to be perfect, there was no room for any mistakes. The flowers and cake had been ordered, the dinner reservations had been confirmed. Everything was going according to the plan - which was surprising my parents with the cake and flowers and then taking them to their favourite place for dinner. Everything.....except for one tiny glitch, I had to actually go pick up the said cake and flowers!!!  

Now, I am what you may call a reluctant driver...ok! ok I won't lie I am terrible!!!! I haven't killed anybody but, I admit to hitting poles, trees and even the odd wall! So my father never leaves his car keys lying about. I also hate the public transport system in my hometown. So, I decided to be brave and take the car for a spin....Uh... errand, I mean errand when I saw that dad had left his car keys at home (he got a lift to work that day).      

’Don’t worry ma’am. I always keep a spare in the trunk.’ by Kincaid, Kelly
I was confident that NOTHING could go wrong!!

As I slid the keys in the ignition , I felt a curious sense of calm settle in. I could TOTALLY  do it!!!! My dad's car is his pride and joy, I sometimes feel that it is even more important to him that is own two children! The reason I mention this is for you to realise the magnitude of my next blunder! I quickly realised that I had an audience in the form of the housing society guard and a couple of neighbours as well as a few odd passers-by. It was quickly apparent that I was having trouble backing the car out of it's designated parking space. There is a slope that one has to go down and there is a drainage line which had been opened to clean before the monsoon. To cut the long story short, I somehow managed to calmly slide one of the car wheels into the open drain!!! OH the horror!!!!! 

In those moments as I desperately tried to accelerate out of 'the drain' I had the premonition of my father killing me. In those few minutes, I had imagined at least ten scenarios of my gruesome demise at the hands of my father. So the only thing I could think of (I am ashamed to say) was play the 'damsel in distress' card. This card is a powerful one in any female arsenal but must be played with extreme caution.     

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The quintessential ' Damsel in distress'

 My pleas for help soon brought the most pompous of our neighbours around who, took no time in reading me a lecture about flighty girls, irresponsibility, defiling a man's pride and joy- His on and so forth!!! It didn't help when an audience gathered around as this scene of my acute humiliation played on!!!! I had to do something so I did what any self respecting 'damsel in distress' would do. I gave a masterful performance that involved hand wringing, teary eyes and trembling lips! It must have galvanised the audience (all of whom were male!! Ugh) into action and they swiftly manoeuvred the car out of  'the drain'. 

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It is important to Always say the right thing when being rescued.

Needless to say, I then had to accept a lift from the pompous neighbour, much to my humiliation!!! Although it did give me a very important thought to dwell upon. Why is it that when a girl blunders about something that is considered a man's job, the blame is placed on not her incompetence but that fact that she is female?

I admit that I used my feminine wiles to get out of a disastrous situation. However I was also irritated about the fact that I had to actually butter up all those male egos by confining myself to a horrid gender stereotype- that of the incompetent female driver!

’Oh, so when I asked you if I should make a left and you said ’right’, you meant as in correct... yeah, I totally misunderstood that.’ by Guy & Rodd
I am not this BAD!! But.......well....

In the end though, my parents anniversary celebrations were a success and as far as I know my father still doesn't know about the little tryst his precious car had with 'the drain'!!!  

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