The past year has been one filled with realisations; some necessary and some unpleasant. 2012 for me began on a high note, I graduated with a Masters and got to travel around England with my mother. I realised how fortunate I was to receive a good education and also the support of my parents. On the flip side, I was physically unwell for most of the year (I still am), I still suffer from bouts of extreme and debilitating bouts of melancholia and realised that although my parents love me and I love them, they don't trust me at all.
I know that I am to blame, with my education I should have landed a comfortable job immediately, yet for some odd reason, I was unable to. I moved back to the 'deadbeat, small-town nightmare'(a quote from someone in my family), it was indeed a quagmire of spiritual and mental decay that I quickly sank into.
Still, I can't help but ask the question as to Why my Parents don't trust me? I am 25 and can be described as a 'good girl', I have lived my life the way my parents taught me to live and have tried my best to be understanding.
Still dear reader, I find that I am hurt.... I am strong but nothing in the world has the power to hurt me, except my parents' lack of trust. Do they really think that I am their problem child? Do they really think me a failure? Do they really feel that I have in any way dishonoured them?
I don't want to be whiny......I don't want to be negative...I have lived Dear Reader....How I've lived....I love life even when I am miserable.....I laugh at my shortcomings, not cry.....I laugh with people when they ridicule me. I know that you're thinking Why? Well, it is easy to make people cry and so difficult to make them laugh and also I would not give them the power to hurt.
I feel blessed in a way, perhaps I needed all this time at home with my parents. I got to hug them, and hear them and bask in their love. They might worry about me but they love me. I have known the kind of love that all of us receive but few appreciate....And that is why my dear reader, I love life...I savour each and every moment, whether they be luminous or dark, like honey on my tongue.
So, here is the lesson I've learnt in the 25th year of my life -- "When life hands you a lorryload of lemons, you shouldn't taste each one and turn sour, you should use it all to churn out lemonade " (this is a quote I read somewhere and instantly loved). So I have endeavoured to learn from setbacks and turn their lemony sourness into lemonade, something refreshing and positive.