Sometimes, I feel like I have lived for millennia, I don't know what it is, but I have these strange thoughts whilst reading something or when I listen to a particular piece of music, or even when the wind rustles through my hair on my runs or walks a certain way.

This feeling of aching knowledge; of a particular state of being, is so powerful that it knocks my breath away. This aspect of existence is not new, and yet the ongoing isolation has increased it's appearances in my life. I know that all of us our pondering the meaning of life right now and the great philosophical question of 'what it is all for?' has taken a permanent residence in our minds. Yet, why has it become increasingly difficult to share these thoughts?

I find myself having out of body experiences in the middle of inane conversations. I can feel myself looking at who I am and finding myself lacking. I don't feel depressed precisely; rather, it is a curious state of judgement and recriminations about ones character laced with frequent bouts of loathing towards oneself and the world in general. 

One would be a simpleton indeed, if one didn't recognize it for what it was, ' a particularly nasty bout of ennui'; and yet how does one get out of the dark pit? I send this question out into the void with hopes that there are others in the same metaphoric boat as oneself.   

In the age of Pandemic, I can't help but feel the need to write in order to pass away the time. In an interview that I read recently, a famous writer talks about getting frequent bouts of 'writer's block' and the very inability to write, leads to further anxiety about writing, thus creating a vicious circle.

I am, to put it honestly suffering from a severe one. I haven't been able to write well for the past two years and this has led to a loss of confidence in my dealings with other topics. This is not to say that I am a writer, in fact I am a person who blogs occasionally, However, I have manged to keep this blog running for ten years and am actually quite surprised.

I have never been confident about my writing skills, thus one of the reasons that I feel that I continued with this blog was that I realized that no body was actually reading this, thus in a way the act of sending my thoughts in a written form into the void has helped.

There have been some humorous episodes and some annoying ones in my journey but what made me keep coming back to this blog has been the uncontrollable urge to write. I am aware that there will be times when I will sound stupid and ignorant, but this blog is a learning experience that I have decided I need, in order to be better at things in the real world.

It is my own private therapeutic outlet; only on an incredibly public forum, so I realize the irony, However it could be an interesting study of human nature. I actually read some of my posts from years ago and am amazed at my own naivete.

I hope that this may prove to be a record of my thoughts, my own Tilted view of looking at the world around me . Until the next one then........