'scary, plain, intellectual, manic pixie girl'

Dear Reader, a couple of days ago I was introduced to someone at a dinner at our house. A gentleman I spoke to for  quite some time. I was struck by how many assumptions he formed about me by the end of our conversation. When another guest asked him if he had enjoyed the conversation he said,

   "Very much! She is an interesting young woman...although slightly too intellectual and probably a 'radical leftist'....definitely a problem for her poor parents...too intense for me, but over all a dear, sweet, polite, cheerful girl! Oh, I like her very much!"  

I cannot tell you how discontented this opinion made me feel dear reader. It really was condescending, wasn't it? I was really dismayed to be typecast in, what I privately call 'the great Female Intellectual cliché'. By this I mean - a radical feminist, Amazonian apparition, irrational leftist, hipster (Ugh!), manic pixie girl who is a non conformist because, that's what we really intellectual types must do to fit in the 'uniquely interesting female model' yo!

 All you readers of books and many fellow writers will agree with me when I say...The Above Described Cliché Does Not Exist!!! It is the figment of the imagination of some really naive writer (probably a man), who knew nothing of women. 

Now, I know a lot of women who loosely fit this description (I admit I'm one).Yet, there are those, the really frightening ones, that even I can't find excuses for. They are the ones who fancy themselves as tortured artists, obsessed with rain and coffee...they rhapsodise about cigarettes and Marx....they think that reading mind numbingly boring books by Kafka (my opinion only) is cool , discuss the upliftment of the poor and aspire to live the life of glorious simplicity while they sip their beloved coffee in really pretentious and overpriced shops. 

I admit to liking rain and coffee, but I love my hot cup of tea as much as any tea lover. I am what you may call a moderate, liberal (that might be contradicting, but who cares) Leftist. I think that Marx was a great thinker of his time, but many of his concepts don't quite fit in the 21st century. I also realise the importance of food and job security for the poor in India. However, I refuse to spend 200 bucks on something that should only cost 20. 

 

I like puppies, kittens, ice cream, cake and rainbows, but,  I would not want  Zooey Deschanel,( however much I like her ) playing me in a movie about my life! 

 In the end of this post, I want to say one thing. I deeply resent stereotyping women into clichés like 'Hot Bimbo', 'Nerdy Unattractive Intellectual', 'Manic Pixie Girl', 'Cute Girl Next Door', 'Tortured, sensitive Arty type'  etc etc... a woman can embody all of the above and still be a complex puzzle. Women are not 'types' that can be classified into neat personality type boxes...they are just individuals, and everyone is uniquely different. I also realise that men suffer from being typecast too! Yet, their stereotypes are more often than not kinder than those of women. So forgive me, dear reader, if you are male when I say boo hoo!!! Try being a young woman on the receiving end of  a compliment, that could be a thinly veiled insult, when all you can do is smile tightly, as you don't want 'horribly rude' to be added to your glowing list of so called 'qualities'.

a mouth full of cake makes the blues go away

Dear Reader, have you ever had a less than perfect day and then something happened to make you smile...just like that? Well, as you may have gathered, I was having a less than perfect day when I suddenly stumbled on to my mother's secret stash of cupcakes.

It was just one of those moments when I went from grumbling psycho to a giddy creature with a one track mind..as in; how to devour one, in record time without my mother finding out. Easier said than done.....mum chanced upon me in the middle of the gluttonous deed. It was funny really..me, with a cross between a 'deer in the headlights' and 'guilty' expression, my mouth full of cake while my mother's face bore a comical mix of dismay and outrage.. She then laughed and told me to eat slowly, lest I end up with indigestion. Mothers!!!!

They really are a mix of yoda, a cuddly toy, frenemy,  celebrity chef, pop psychologist, Sherlock Holmes, diva and all the other complex and interesting that I cannot list as that would mean going on for a long time.

I end this post with the confession that I have a sweet tooth. I know that some may find this a serious, debilitating affliction, I, on the other hand just think that my mom makes great sweets and they make me smile. So to all those who are having a bad day, week, month, decade or century..go and have a sweet, 'cause it certainly made my sour day sweeter.    

of panics attacks and quarter-life crisis

Dear Reader, today I had my very first panic-attack. Now,I am not really the type to lose it but wow! did I go into major hyperventilate mode or what? Seriously though, I can feel the futility of my hysterics as the object over which I lost my senses; missing a tiny USB drive, was found minutes later. So really, why did I go overboard?


Honesty, I cannot say why this happened. However, I can tell you quite frankly that panic attacks are not pleasant at all. They leave you feeling physically drained and mentally exhausted. My chest hurt and I had difficulty breathing, so much so, that I felt like I was being choked.

My mother had to shake me to help me snap out of it. It would be comical, were it not so disturbing. I am generally calm and practical by nature and do not lose it often, yet, today, all it took was a little incident to send me into hysterics. 

As I sat in solitude, post meltdown, slurping a milkshake (comfort drink) I found myself thinking about all the others who suffer from panic- attacks entirely out of the blue. I realised that this phenomenon has become alarmingly common, especially amongst a certain set of individuals. They of the 'steely control over emotions' type.
 
I found, much to my horror the reason behind my embarrassing episode of hysterics (there were strangers present) - I am going through a Quarter-life crisis.  Yes Dear Reader it's unfortunately true! Much of my time is spent in complete isolation and I am becoming increasingly neurotic everyday. Somedays, I find myself doing things and saying stuff that is plain bonkers, and not necessarily in the good way.


Why is it that some of us are so susceptible to having a quarter- life crisis? In my case, I am probably the most collected (formerly) individual in my knowledge to be suffering through one. I suppose, that in my case it is the fact that I am at a stage in life when my life seems to be at a complete standstill. Were it not for my writing and this blog, I would have gone bat-shit crazy.

I previously thought that 'Quarter-Life Crisis' was new-age mumbo-jumbo to explain the erratic behaviour of misguided individuals. However, in my case I now want to state that it is an identity crisis as well as an existential one. So, I humbly beg the forgiveness from the cosmos for all those times when I curled my lips and pooh-poohed my fellow sufferers.

What happens, when in our 'quest to find ourselves', we take the wrong turn and end up getting lost? I send this question to all who have gone through something similar or just those wise and insightful people who could give Yoda a run for his money.   

Closet Romantic ??? Humm...

Dear Reader, I confess that I am the annoying one who makes those retching noises when faced with sickening sweet instances of romance. Stuff, that any normal person in my view would feel disgusted with. However, I have to grudgingly admit to something. I am a 'Closet Romantic'!
         
Although, I have no problems with that mystifying emotion "Love", romantic love for me is a myth as I am yet to experience that most talked about feeling. But I must grudgingly admit to being addicted to Romantic movies, especially rom-coms.

I know, I know that you are rolling your eyes just about now and wondering at my being a frustrating bundle of contradictions (my parents call me that...albeit fondly!). The truth is that there is nothing I enjoy more, than curling up on a rainy evening and watching a nice romance.This evening, I decided  on an old favourite 'You've got mail'.  I confess, that I  return to watch this Tom Hanks-Meg Ryan starrer every few months and each time I feel how awesome the movie actually is.

First of all, it contains one of the things that I love in a good film; wit and pithy conversation between characters. I just love the movie dear reader, on days that I feel blue, this movie lifts my spirits. I love the irony and the interesting moments....I just love the amazing chemistry between Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan. I know that in 2013, the entire concept of meeting someone online seems weird, but the late 90's, when the film came out, was the era before cyber crimes and creepy cyber stalkers.
         
So, as dated as the film may seem, it still manages to be absolutely charming. I cannot help but wonder at my love for rom-coms though. It prompted me to think why I, a girl in my 20's despite being practical to a degree, secretly watch movies that I have in company, long  pooh poohed.

So, dear reader, am I a "Closet Romantic"? I suppose I am... I love life and all it's beautiful moments. I love waking up to the koel's melodious chirping outside my bedroom window, I love the  cooling rain and how it makes everything seem brighter, I love my mom's hugs as they always make me feel warm and cosy, I love the way my father tries to hide his smile at my antics behind a grumble and fails, I love to make my sister roll her eyes and smile at my idiotic comments and most of all, I love the fact that I am at a time in my life when I feel all of the above with my whole being.

Am I a Romantic??? What say?

Music, flowers, books....and rain

My Dear Reader, I can't remember the first time I stopped to smell flowers,the first time I picked up the pen to write, or even the first song I listened to over and over again...I cannot even think of the first book that made me fall in love with reading...yet, these are the things that give me the most pleasure. These....and then the rain.

It's that time of the year again, yes! The monsoons are here. The time to fall back under the the spell of mother nature in her many majestic hues is here. So, I have paused, just for a bit to admire the gorgeous gift from nature that is-Rain.    

I have previously written about stopping and taking the time to appreciate the things that really matter. However, I find myself guilty of rushing by the things that give me real pleasure. So, I have resolved to take in the beautiful fragrance of the flowers that bloom during this lovely monsoon season. They seem brighter and more fragrant. I find myself wondering, if it is so because of the life-giving rains or because I haven't noticed their charms for a while.

The pitter-patter sound that the raindrops are currently making on the windowsill, have proved to be an inspiration for me to write this post after weeks of writer's block. Dear reader, I must tell you what a relief it is for me to finally be able to write again. The past couple of  weeks have been trying, as I was unable to retreat into my world and write.

I am listening to a golden oldie whilst I write these words. The lyrics roughly translate to the rain, bringing back the love of your life... Isn't that a wonderful sentiment. Rain brings so many things, melancholy, solitude, pain, longing, bliss and that most powerful of emotions, love.

What better sentiment to dwell upon than love, even if it is unrequited.  A great book that tells the story of love and yearning seems like the perfect companion on this wet evening. When all outdoor activity ceases, the best way to unwind is curling up and retreating into the world of exhilarating words, that remind one of how amazing writers actually are. I can't help but be inspired by the sheer genius that some individuals have of weaving great stories.

So, dear reader, this monsoon do all the things that remind you of why life and her many wonderful moments that are so like the myriad drops of rain, quenching the parched soul with vitality.

in which I muse about the sheer idiocy of "Writer's Block"

Dear Reader,

Yes it's me...remember me? The opinionated comedy of errors. Well I'm back... I know that all of you are mystified as to why I pulled the old vanishing trick. Well, prepare yourself to be horrified......I had a severe case of writer's block. I mean a BAD one people!!! I now give you leave to be totally sympathetic.

It was horrible my dear reader. I would get all these words in my head, bursting to be put on paper and yet all I could manage was stare at a blank sheet. So basically NOTHING. I couldn't even manage a single coherent sentence.

So many of you are writers out there, some of you are probably ones, whose work I would totally love reading. I am sure that you have faced that loathsome dragon called "Writer's Block". Well, what is it anyway? Is it the sheer frustration of not being able to craft a single sentence from the jumble of thoughts running in one's head?
If yes, then I was indeed plagued by that nasty beast! I wish that I had a way to defeat said beast though....... In a perfect world, writers would never be victims of something as mundane as "Writer's Block"!! By which I mean,  Bleh!!!..........Well, the name itself is soo unimaginative as to suggest that it was definitely coined by a person who couldn't write to save his/her life!

In a writer's world though, if one did have the misfortune to face the despicable beast, one would have dozens of weapons in one's arsenal to trounce the dull creature....Enchanted swords, shields and spheres, magic, spells, the wand of destiny ( thank you J K Rowling! ), or in really fairytale like instance ( where feminism doesn't exist) .... An all powerful handsome prince to do the trouncing on behalf of the lovely maiden who just happens to be a brilliant writer!!!

Alas, in the real world, all one can do is eat ice cream, do all the mundane things that are majorly avoidable. And lament over the loss of many great thoughts and words, that potentially, in one's mind at least could have   been that one successful, publishable idea!

So many event's took place in the meantime, at home and out in the world that I had opinions about. The writer in me iched to put these opinions to paper, being unable to watch these thoughts come to life on paper was torture. I may come across a touch dramatic, but really, the life of a writer would be boring indeed  if not for a healthy dose of drama, real or imagined.  And what could be more threatening or dramatic than "Writer's block" eh?

So, imagine my agony dear reader feel, at least a tiny amount of sympathy. And in case you are a writer like yours truly, empathise, and write back with your tale of woe. Know that here, you'll find a willing and true comrade.