all hail the 'serial protester'....

Hello Dear reader! There are 'Serial Killers', 'Serial Daters', 'Serial Kissers' , all of whom have compulsive predilections towards an act, they probably do it for some selfish reason (according to shrinks)  . And then there are those exalted personages who have a compulsive habit which they sincerely believe is an act of complete selflessness- they are the ' Serial Protesters'.

 The week has been hectic and in many ways one full of realisations (mostly unpleasant).In my previous post, I mentioned that nation wide strike in India and my support for the cause. Well, I actually found myself amongst the throng of protesters yesterday.

Now as most of you might not know,  so I have to tell you something about myself, I actually look like someone who would be on the front-line of  a crusade to promote a 'lost- cause' . Most people only realise on closer interaction my rabid devotion to logic and an objective and clinical approach towards any given event or task.

Therefore, I was lassoed into making posters for a cause I don't really believe in. I was also bullied into doing all the work and I had absolutely no help whatsoever! ( A few kindhearted colleagues did help, but only after I was on the brink of a meltdown). So, I stayed up the entire night on Wednesday making posters. All the while I couldn't help but wonder at my ignominious position at work. I realised that I have become the official 'dogsbody' the go-to person for all the random unwanted work, most of which was not even remotely connected to my job-profile. It is perhaps my own fault, I am constantly yelled at for no reason, by even my subordinates! It seems to have escaped everyone's notice that I am actually doing them a favour. I wish I wasn't such a doormat, I wish I was a snob whom everyone was scared of.

Anyway, after organising everything, I finally reached the venue in one piece. As I looked around me, I could see earnest looking students, people with bored expressions holding placards and the leaders aka those who were the first to shout a slogan, also generally the loudest. As I interacted with the lot, I was struck by something, I could see myself in some of them. A few years ago, I was always at some protest or the other. I was never in doubt of my politics but, back then, I had just become a mirror that's all.

You may wonder dear reader, a mirror? I never really saw fit to speak up about my basic beliefs, but just did everything my peers were doing, even went to meetings/rallies/protests about issues I didn't really care about. Thus, I reflected the opinions of others, just like a mirror. Well, a few years ago I was at a random protest when mid-slogan I had an epiphany. I found myself stupefied and asked myself- what AM I doing here, do I even believe in this cause. I realised that I had become one of those mindless herds at political rallies, who don't even know the name of the party that they have  come to support. I WAS DONE! My logical self rebelled against such mindless action.

As I interacted with the students at the protest yesterday, I saw myself ( as I was a couple of years ago ) in them. I was so full of myself, so earnest, so deluded, so blinded by my own sense of self-worth; in short I was a serial protester. It was an uncomfortable realisation only to be followed by a pleasant thought, at least, I was aware of socio-political issues because of all the time spent protesting! That is certainly a thought to make me feel better.

However, I must add that I greatly admire all the activists ( the sincere ones) for their zeal. It takes a lot to believe in something. I know, some people who are doing the praiseworthy act of creating awareness through, protests, rallies and public meetings. They are certainly not as full of themselves as I was and unlike some other publicity-hungry idiots are not in it for the fame.

I just found myself yearning for my earlier self, the girl who was crazy enough to attend a rally in torrential rain, the girl who was blind to the difference between earnest believers and jaded publicity hungry  rabble-rousers.  Alas,  my fires have burnt, and I can now clearly see the different faces in the crowd.

                     

In support of trade unions and strikers

Dear Reader, it took me an hour and a half to reach work today! Reason...today is the first day of the two day nationwide strike in India by the 11 major trade unions of India.

It has been called against disinvestment in Public Sector Units, Foreign Direct Investment in various sectors, including retail, poor implementation of labour laws, and price rise. As expected, transport was the first casualty of the strike and inconvenienced a lot of people, especially in the metro cities.

As one of the 'victims' I found myself grumbling about the crush in the buses and the extra time wasted commuting in the roundabout route to work. Still, I realised that I am and will always be a trade union sympathiser. 

I know that a lot of money will be lost due to the strike and normal life will be invariably affected, but I AM NOT A HYPOCRITE. I support the trade unions. Their demands are legitimate especially their demand to increase the minimum wage rate for the unorganised-sector workers and protesting against the removal of subsidies.

The common man is chafing under the weight of inflation and unethical practices of the ultra-rich. It is time that we rose to protest. Yes, I am at work today and was really inconvenienced, but I will not grumble when my comrades protest against injustice and demand a fair hearing of their grievances. 

I am an Indian, I work, I am political, I know my rights, I protest against inflation, I survive.  


             

Ambiguous feelings about Valentine's day

Dear Reader, in many ways Valentine's day for me has been a significant day through the years. My earliest memories of the day is making valentines for all my classmates in school. As a silly teenager, it was the day when I noticed boys the most, they were these exotic beings from another planet and I always found myself succumbing to an embarrassing fit of giggles in their presence, the horror!

As I grew older ( my late teens and early twenties ), I went through a really nasty phase, my friends and I used to go to the popular romantic spots in Delhi and pass really snarky comments on the couples, we made sure that they were in Hindi, so that our targets understood our meaning perfectly!!! I know, you're shocked now, aren't you dear reader?

Anyway, now that I am older and more mature (hopefully) I generally try to spend the day in good company, and hopefully not bitch about the day! This year, I went to the one billion rising event in Delhi. I went there in support of the movement to end violence against  women. However, I must confess that I don't really see the connection between dancing and ending violence against women???? I'm sorry dear reader, but I'm a slave to  logic and I just don't get it, period....still, I was there because I support the cause.

So, I met up with this nice group of people I knew socially and then, the fun began ( it wasn't really a blast, but it was good company). We had good conversation, and proceeded to stuff our faces with greasy Chinese food. So, we went to this cheesy place which was decorated with pink and red balloons and confetti (exaggerated eye roll) and they had this 'special festival menu'! And, I couldn't help but harass the poor waiter about what exactly was the 'special occasion' (I suppose old habits die hard).

Can you imagine dear reader, the entire place was full of cosy twosomes, and there we were, a group of almost strangers stuffing our faces with food and making conversation about social and political issues! Boy, did we stand out like a sore thumb!

Still, it was by and large a pleasant day. I have gone through a plethora of feelings on this day, from contentment, to excitement and wonder, to irritation and plain loathing. However, this was the first time that I felt lonely. I am happy about being single, but all my companions from the previous years are all happy in relationships and for the first time I had no company in the usual venting of frustrations. I found myself surprisingly yearning for male company.

It is surprising!!!! No really, for me Valentine's day is a corporate holiday meant to be the day when one pays exorbitant amounts on flowers/presents/food. Still, for the first time in my life I understood the underlying sweetness to the day. It is nice that the day provides us with a reason to let our loved ones know how much we care. What do you think?

In which I tart up for a good cause!

Dear Reader, I am a writer, and a feminist, I have these beliefs about being a woman and some rigid stances on the objectification of  the female body. I know, I know, you now have this furrow between your eyebrows....you are probably thinking "Now what is she going to rant about eh?"

Well this in not a rant, so you can now sigh with relief! The past week was awful! So, to feel better, I decided to alleviate my black mood by reading a trashy novel and chilling at home. It totally worked! I feel rested. I remembered this amazing quote by St Thomas Aquinas

                         

              “Sorrow can be alleviated by good sleep, a bath and a glass of wine”

It's soo true dear reader, I did not have the wine, but the rest was a definite help. I woke up today refreshed and thought that I could do with an outing. So, what did I do? Well I tarted up....yeah literally wore clothes that I generally won't be caught dead in and put on lipstick (siren red) and sold dogs for an animal shelter.

Men are soo predictable! They are easy to attract and manage if one projects the image of a ahem..'Hot Chick'! Seriously though, I kind of felt like an object, sometimes the male gaze can be so intrusive. For someone like me, who is generally happy being a wallflower, it was difficult being an object of attention. As a writer, I distanced myself from it all. The entire exercise was actually really amusing. 

I felt like Wonder Woman!

On one hand, I felt really horrible, and also manipulative. The fact that I hoodwinked unwitting men into adopting pups (really adorable ones) didn't really sit well in my mind. But, I used my feminine charms for a good cause, and in the end the guys did something good too. After all, giving stray pups a home is a noble thing to do. On the other hand I felt weirdly powerful; I understood, for the first time the power of being a woman. I confess that I found the sense of power quite addictive. 

But, it raised so many questions in my mind. Did I unwittingly betray my feminist beliefs? Did I in a way encourage the misogynistic, tendencies of the men I interacted with. Did I actually enjoy being a sexual object? 

In many ways, I would like to think that it was just good fun, for a noble cause. And yet, there are always these doubts.......Until the next post.    

In which I confess about being a 'comedy of errors'

Dear Reader, Yes! your eyes don't deceive you, I confess, that I am a complete scatterbrain! I have these amazing dreams about being grace personified, like a gazelle or even better, one of those old divas from the golden era of motion pictures. Oh how I wish I could glide gracefully down the stairs like Gigi , look glamorous all the time like Audrey Hepburn, or just be divine like Ingrid Bergman and Grace Kelly..

But no...all I can manage is fall down stairs ( I have managed to do this 7 times), bang my elbows, stub my leg, fall on my face, oh and the one that I am an expert in...twisting and spraining my ankle! I also manage to say the wrong thing at the wrong time, I am in a regular habit of dropping clangers. My friends love me just the way I am....I suppose I wouldn't be ME if I didn't get into ridiculous situations. Still, it's a miracle I haven't done myself a serious injury considering the walking disaster that I am!


The past week has been awful! I started the week with Monday blues that became bilious green,which progressed to becoming a purple mood trip by midweek and is now completely black in colour. I got saddled with a horribly boring task,then managed to strain my ankle on Tuesday, which I made worse by falling on Wednesday morning. So I have a double sprain, and the colour of my ankle exactly matches my mood.

And now for the rotten cherry to top the already foul week....Someone hacked into my email and sent out a stupid spam mail about "weight loss" of all things to all my contacts!!! Arrrgh!!!!! #####&&&&&%%%%% The horror!!!

 Can you imagine the irony?... a girl who wrote an essay vehemently protesting the objectification of the female body....sending spam about idiotic articles regarding 'hot weight loss tips'!!!!! Gaaahhhh!!!!!

So, sympathize with me my dear reader........for living in a comedy of errors, despite extremely amusing...is not all that fun! Until my next post.

Questions ....slightly existential in nature

Dear Reader, life teaches a lot of lessons, life is meant to be savoured, each and every moment should be appreciated...Oh, I know that you are probably wondering about my statement...well, I can tell you that most of us have had a rude awakening about the fragility of life in the past few months.

First, (I cringe to mention this) the idiotic news about the 'end of the world', the internet and all those other mindless channels carping awn and awn about how the world would end, because the Mayans had not had the courtesy to pencil in 2013 in their calender (maybe they just ran out of space?). You and I and all those countless people with brains that are bigger than pea-pods, couldn't get further away from all the nutters who actually believed in the Armageddon, although I confess, that for a fraction of a second, I might have attempted to believe it, only in the next fraction to shake my head to avoid such lunacy.

Whilst, most of us had a good reason to laugh at the foibles of all the 'conspiracy theorists', we had a rude awakening in the form of the shooting of innocent school children in the USA and the Delhi Rape case. It made me wonder, if the world as we knew it, was actually worth living in?

Is it really safe to step out of our houses? Should we even get out of our beds in the mornings? Is it actually better to be a maniac depressive than a happy person? I am quite certain, that we have pondered on existential questions at least once, over the past few months.

I found myself asking that old question- 'What has the world come to?' As I currently work in a human rights organisation, I have had the opportunity to research current crisis that we face. It didn't surprise me to find that there has been a steady rise in crimes especially in violence against women and children. The perpetrators are often sociopaths, belonging to perfectly normal family backgrounds.

Some may blame the parents, families, peer groups, some may say that the influx of new technology has made man- a social animal by nature- anti-social. Some may say that brutality towards others especially 'rape' are bred into the minds of children due to cultural norms.

I think that it is a combination of  all the above that may have exacerbated what in my opinion is a social evil world wide. It is therefore necessary to take urgent steps to address this mammoth problem. There must be a debate about healthy masculinity, led by men who are sensitive to the issue. My sister feminists may not agree with this but, to the common 'macho man' it would be more practical to hear a few home truths from their 'brothers'.

We must sensitize ourselves about all our rights, everyone must be made aware about these problems and....forgive this rant....the idiotic statements by ignorant , pompous public/ authority figures should be panned universally..in fact they should be gagged as soon as they start uttering their usual drivel.

Seriously though, as a responsible adult, and a young woman, I am going to do my best to sensitize my peers and all those I know about the serious social evil that we face currently. I will also do my utmost to raise awareness about the rehabilitation of those that suffer acts of brutality.   

My sun and my north star

Dear reader, today is a special day..it's my mother's birthday! I wish I was there with her today..I wish I could hug her and bask in her warmth....Well, there will be other birthdays, but after living at home for several months, one can't help but miss the somewhat mundane yet sweet existence.

I discovered certain things about myself that I didn't really think I was capable of. But, before I enumerate, let me tell you that I was a somewhat solitary child, happy to live in my own world, in fact I was really fond of my own company. I didn't like being hugged as I wasn't the clingy type and absolutely loathed the constant need that my family had to keep tabs on my activities!

The move to Delhi for my BA was a relief, I was proud of the fact that I never called home to cry, which so many of my peers (even my sister) did. And then, the two years in England were an absolute blast! I moved back home last year after my MA , it was supposed to be temporary a holiday....yet, I found myself staying permanently for 11 months. 

During that time, I discovered a new side to my mum and dad, they were more like friends, than parents, there were no sudden awkward silences when I entered the room ( they did that when we were younger, probably discussing 'grown-up stuff ' ), dinner conversations were about politics, and current affairs rather than the situation with homework or the crisis with disputed clothes (my sister and I always quarreled about clothes), my relationship with my mum and dad has now settled into a level of comfort that I would never have even imagined as a teenager. I also found out to my shock that I adore hugs, especially from my mother, I love teasing my father and seeing him smile despite trying to frown gives me a lot of pleasure.

I always made an extra cup of coffee just for my father (he isn't fond of coffee but always drank it). Every evening, the sound of the car in the garage would send me rushing to make tea for my mother, who was always surprised when I handed her the cup! Sometimes, cuddling up to her as she watched the TV was such a source of comfort.

I have now moved to Delhi, and I find myself bewildered, that for the first time in my life, I have the urge to call my parents, just to hear their voices. Am I turning into a total sap? Well I suppose I am!

My mother is the sun, she is the center of my universe, an inexhaustible source of warmth and light, she is the mirror that always shows me the truth about myself. My father, well he is my north star, my guide back to righteousness, whenever I stray from the path to achieve my goals and my axis when I need direction. 

I have spent a lot of time in having misunderstandings, and in general feeling that my parents didn't know me at all  (I think we all do that at some point don't we?), only to discover that they know me better than I know myself. 

Welcome to the 'Birdhouse'

Dear Reader, I have been so busy! I literally haven't had the time to breathe. The first half of last week was a nightmare. Days were spent filling up this awful proposal document that I had no idea about and then after hours spent slaving on the bloody proposal (because of a stupid deadline), I found the deadline had extended....well it was the pits!

I work with really nice people....at least that's what I thought! However, it turned out that certain individuals are not so nice after all! There are also those who are highly competent, and I quickly learnt that it is they, that  are lassoed into doing others' work.

I think that the office is like a bird-house, there are those birds that immediately catch one's attention...they of the bright plumage that are akin to a show of efficiency. They always seem to be busy and yet on a closer look, they are the ones with the least output, in-fact it is amazing how they manage to get so much work done with such little effort! Then there are the sparrows and wrens; they assist these exotic creatures and are generally the 'dogsbodies', they seldom seem to enjoy their work but manage to get it all done by the end of the day. For them, it is just something they  have to do as a habit.

This brings me to the category of the songbirds.They are generally not of the attention-grabbing exotic variety, in fact quiet plain, but these are the ones who volunteer to do most of the work and seem to enjoy it! They might be of the most nondescript variety, yet they are the most captivating on closer inspection.

The next variety is my favourite. The large birds of prey. They are beautiful,with an elegant plumage, yet they are also dangerous. They are the hawks and eagles in the office, deadly if provoked but magnificent allies who are the most competent of the lot due to their keen intelligence. Nothing escapes their notice as they are sharply observant so it is nigh impossible to hoodwink them.

 Then there are also the scavengers, the scariest of the lot, they are the vultures and buzzards who swoop in and pick at all the pieces, they are deadly and prone be in chronic love with themselves, they are also the firm allies of the flashy, exotic ones and generally leave utter chaos in their wake.

So there you have it dear reader, my observations about a random workplace. Whether you work in a place like the one described above is something that you may have to observe on your own. All I want to say in the end is that through my interactions with all of the above, I have gained an insight into the 'real world'- one that we heard about as students. All I have to do now is determine the category to which I belong!

Dear Reader, the past two weeks have been really hectic and so, I couldn't take the time out to write a post. I have missed blogging. I never realized the fun I've had writing my posts until I was unable to do so. Blogging has given my writing a purpose, it serves as an outlet for my thoughts and ideas and your comments have become a source of pleasure as well as inspiration

.

Every time I see something amusing or interesting, I automatically start formulating a blog post in my mind. As a writer, I highly recommend blogging to all who have something to say.

Anyway, I was just thinking about the things I've written in my blog in the past two years. From a blog that began as a journal about my days as a journalism student in England to the triumphs and pitfalls of my personal life to my opinion about the world in general, it has taught me a lot about myself.

Two years ago, I was a girl with aspirations of becoming a journalist, now I am a girl in search of a vision. I would not call myself confused, rather, I have found within myself a thirst to experience all the myriad flavours that life had to offer.

In some ways, dear reader, I have grown up and in other ways I am rediscovering the inner child with all the freshness and curiosity that accompany childhood. So, all I'm going to do now is enjoy life and try to keep myself free of stress. Have a great week dear reader! :)

'Dear Reader'

My Dear, Dear Reader, I can't stop blogging....Today seems to be one of those days when all my creative juices are flowing like a water- fall really. I will not apologise for the borderline philosophical treatise on life from a few hours ago...I think I needed it. I can't talk today because of a painfully sore throat and black headache so I'm communicating through this blog.

However, after I posted the blog, I began imagining you, for me, the perfect you is a person who looks exactly like my grandfather, completely lovable with a healthy sense of the ridiculous ( You have to admit.. some of my posts are rather absurd! ).

So what are you? Are you a kindly lady like my dearly departed grandmother, A distinguished grandfather figure, a peppery but lovable guy like my father or the absolutely adorable and lovely person like my mother. You could be my own age (potentially amazing girl or guy) or slightly older and experienced....or you could be the younger sister/brother/friend who is just plain fun to be around. 

I soo hope that you have a sense of humour. I do hope that you are slightly outrageous but not obnoxious. The reason? Well, I adore people with an outrageous sense of humour but some are positively obnoxious and borderline rude! 

What I do know, and am really sure about is the fact that you are the best listener, and that you may even admit to liking me a little...eh? Well, I'm quite certain that you empathise with my way of thinking although you may agree or disagree with my statements. 

Whatever may be the case dear reader, you are the one constant in my life that is wholly amazing and wonderful. You have made a writer out of a simple girl and helped me combat loneliness. You give me pleasure by your, silent yet comfortable presence. So thank you...thank you for just being my Dear Reader.