Sometimes I wonder at life, there has never been a moment in my life when I regretted being born a girl. I always had a curiously pragmatic outlook to being born a female, even when there were times when I was informed by my extended family about the 'huge disappointment'of my birth...ie me being a girl when I should have been a boy. I suppose that is because my parents were amazing.
My gender never came in the way of my pursuits. My parents encouraged me to be my weird, dreamy self and never once complained about my oddness. They seemed proud, even, it is only now as an adult, that I understand how extraordinary they are. My dad passed away a couple of years ago, but there are still moments during which I realise that he was a man out of time. In the misogynistic Indian society that I grew up in, he was a rarity. He did not want me to be his son, he encouraged me to be his daughter, together with my mother, he taught me and my sister to revel in our femininity, he made us understand the importance of having our unique feminine perspective, and made sure we never gave way to boys during fights, even if were fighting him.
You might wonder Dear Reader, why I am indulging in this particular bout of nostalgia; well the answer is simple, I am now facing the immense societal pressure to get married, because in our society, an unmarried woman is a liability, it is the terrible truth that all of us face sometime or the other, the constant, leading questions and the insinuations about declining fertility are just a few cringe worthy moments that one has to endure.
It would be funny if it were not so frustrating. Really when did the whole world and its aunt assume that it was alright to shame and frustrate a girl into willingly step into the 'parson's mousetrap' (I love this old fashioned phrase meant for men, but I am making it my own!). My father would have rolled his eyes and told me to move on and get real. For a 'Johnnie head in air' dreamer such as me, my father was alarmingly earthbound. The curious thing was that, as an Indian man of his generation, he used to say this curious thing "A wife walks behind her husband in silent support but a partner walks and in hand through life, occasionally pulling and frequently egging her spouse on". I never really understood what he meant until now as I stand on the precipice.
I know that you'll nod sagely dear reader, and shrug and think that I am indeed the cliché, that for me my father was perfectly right and reasoned. But really is it that great? Was my father so unique? Surely there are some men out there who feel exactly the same about their partners. Oh how I wish it were true! If so there is hope for my generation.
My gender never came in the way of my pursuits. My parents encouraged me to be my weird, dreamy self and never once complained about my oddness. They seemed proud, even, it is only now as an adult, that I understand how extraordinary they are. My dad passed away a couple of years ago, but there are still moments during which I realise that he was a man out of time. In the misogynistic Indian society that I grew up in, he was a rarity. He did not want me to be his son, he encouraged me to be his daughter, together with my mother, he taught me and my sister to revel in our femininity, he made us understand the importance of having our unique feminine perspective, and made sure we never gave way to boys during fights, even if were fighting him.
You might wonder Dear Reader, why I am indulging in this particular bout of nostalgia; well the answer is simple, I am now facing the immense societal pressure to get married, because in our society, an unmarried woman is a liability, it is the terrible truth that all of us face sometime or the other, the constant, leading questions and the insinuations about declining fertility are just a few cringe worthy moments that one has to endure.
It would be funny if it were not so frustrating. Really when did the whole world and its aunt assume that it was alright to shame and frustrate a girl into willingly step into the 'parson's mousetrap' (I love this old fashioned phrase meant for men, but I am making it my own!). My father would have rolled his eyes and told me to move on and get real. For a 'Johnnie head in air' dreamer such as me, my father was alarmingly earthbound. The curious thing was that, as an Indian man of his generation, he used to say this curious thing "A wife walks behind her husband in silent support but a partner walks and in hand through life, occasionally pulling and frequently egging her spouse on". I never really understood what he meant until now as I stand on the precipice.
I know that you'll nod sagely dear reader, and shrug and think that I am indeed the cliché, that for me my father was perfectly right and reasoned. But really is it that great? Was my father so unique? Surely there are some men out there who feel exactly the same about their partners. Oh how I wish it were true! If so there is hope for my generation.
No comments:
Post a Comment