Feeling sad all the time has become a way of life for me. There are so many things I want to say. But I am afraid of being laughed at. Some may say I am too loud and some may say I talk too much. When did these become such a big sin? 

I used to think that there was some good in this world. Somewhere out there there must be some examples of kindness and morality winning the day. However as I grow older, I feel wronged, somehow. This past year had taught me that nothing is predictable and things may not go according to plans. However the fact that people haven't still learned to be kind; that oftentimes overlooked virtue, is making me sadder.

I know that this is in a way a very immature way of dealing with what I am going through, writing a blog post on a page people never visit, but this is the void I think that will absorb my embarrassing thoughts. The fact that I have been suffering from inexplicable melancholia from 2003 and having to wear a civilized mask ever since.  

I hope that in an alternate reality, if there is one, my other self is leading a fruitful life. That is all I can write about.