It is that time of the year again, when my heart feels that it is being squeezed to the point of agony, the day I lost my father approaches again, and all the regret of things left unsaid strikes again. This year though, the pain is accompanied by all the sweet memories that I shared with him.
I had a difficult relationship with my father, but he was a towering figure in my life and a staunch supporter, who encouraged me in all my pursuits. I inherited my love for music from my excellent mother but, I now realize that it is a trait I share with my father too.
My mother has an ear for the great masters of classical music and, encouraged me to explore the genre, my father, on the other hand preferred the quieter tunes from old Hindi films. I have been listening to the tunes that he loved and it struck me that they all have gorgeous lyrics accompanying serene tunes. There are so many layers to these old songs; so many meaning to the poetic words.
I read somewhere that we all eventually become like our parents, it is our curse....I think that there may be some truth to it; I find I understand my father better as I age, I even see the point behind my mother's quirks, I may not agree with either of their viewpoints, but I understand them better.
This is especially the case with my father, who is no longer around to argue or explain himself, in that scenario, the music he listened to, has made me understand him so much better. To hear the powerful words written by great poets who worked as lyricists in the 1950's and 60's and truly know for certain, the things that they wanted to convey and, my fathers preference for such melodies; make me wish I had more time with him. I might not fully turn into my parents or follow in their path, because they have different lived experiences, but their music makes me understand them better.
Music is also a companion that has proven to be a balm for my hurts and, provide solace through my continued grief about my father's absence. It makes me feel closer to him. Plus on a brighter note, beautiful melodies with poignant words are always a great way to spend dreary autumnal afternoons.
