Sunday, 28 July 2013

of panics attacks and quarter-life crisis

Dear Reader, today I had my very first panic-attack. Now,I am not really the type to lose it but wow! did I go into major hyperventilate mode or what? Seriously though, I can feel the futility of my hysterics as the object over which I lost my senses; missing a tiny USB drive, was found minutes later. So really, why did I go overboard?

Honesty, I cannot say why this happened. However, I can tell you quite frankly that panic attacks are not pleasant at all. They leave you feeling physically drained and mentally exhausted. My chest hurt and I had difficulty breathing, so much so, that I felt like I was being choked.

My mother had to shake me to help me snap out of it. It would be comical, were it not so disturbing. I am generally calm and practical by nature and do not lose it often, yet, today, all it took was a little incident to send me into hysterics. 

As I sat in solitude, post meltdown, slurping a milkshake (comfort drink) I found myself thinking about all the others who suffer from panic- attacks entirely out of the blue. I realised that this phenomenon has become alarmingly common, especially amongst a certain set of individuals. They of the 'steely control over emotions' type.
I found, much to my horror the reason behind my embarrassing episode of hysterics (there were strangers present) - I am going through a Quarter-life crisis.  Yes Dear Reader it's unfortunately true! Much of my time is spent in complete isolation and I am becoming increasingly neurotic everyday. Somedays, I find myself doing things and saying stuff that is plain bonkers, and not necessarily in the good way.

Why is it that some of us are so susceptible to having a quarter- life crisis? In my case, I am probably the most collected (formerly) individual in my knowledge to be suffering through one. I suppose, that in my case it is the fact that I am at a stage in life when my life seems to be at a complete standstill. Were it not for my writing and this blog, I would have gone bat-shit crazy.

I previously thought that 'Quarter-Life Crisis' was new-age mumbo-jumbo to explain the erratic behaviour of misguided individuals. However, in my case I now want to state that it is an identity crisis as well as an existential one. So, I humbly beg the forgiveness from the cosmos for all those times when I curled my lips and pooh-poohed my fellow sufferers.

What happens, when in our 'quest to find ourselves', we take the wrong turn and end up getting lost? I send this question to all who have gone through something similar or just those wise and insightful people who could give Yoda a run for his money.   

Monday, 1 July 2013

Closet Romantic ??? Humm...

Dear Reader, I confess that I am the annoying one who makes those retching noises when faced with sickening sweet instances of romance. Stuff, that any normal person in my view would feel disgusted with. However, I have to grudgingly admit to something. I am a 'Closet Romantic'!
Although, I have no problems with that mystifying emotion "Love", romantic love for me is a myth as I am yet to experience that most talked about feeling. But I must grudgingly admit to being addicted to Romantic movies, especially rom-coms.

I know, I know that you are rolling your eyes just about now and wondering at my being a frustrating bundle of contradictions (my parents call me that...albeit fondly!). The truth is that there is nothing I enjoy more, than curling up on a rainy evening and watching a nice romance.This evening, I decided  on an old favourite 'You've got mail'.  I confess, that I  return to watch this Tom Hanks-Meg Ryan starrer every few months and each time I feel how awesome the movie actually is.

First of all, it contains one of the things that I love in a good film; wit and pithy conversation between characters. I just love the movie dear reader, on days that I feel blue, this movie lifts my spirits. I love the irony and the interesting moments....I just love the amazing chemistry between Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan. I know that in 2013, the entire concept of meeting someone online seems weird, but the late 90's, when the film came out, was the era before cyber crimes and creepy cyber stalkers.
So, as dated as the film may seem, it still manages to be absolutely charming. I cannot help but wonder at my love for rom-coms though. It prompted me to think why I, a girl in my 20's despite being practical to a degree, secretly watch movies that I have in company, long  pooh poohed.

So, dear reader, am I a "Closet Romantic"? I suppose I am... I love life and all it's beautiful moments. I love waking up to the koel's melodious chirping outside my bedroom window, I love the  cooling rain and how it makes everything seem brighter, I love my mom's hugs as they always make me feel warm and cosy, I love the way my father tries to hide his smile at my antics behind a grumble and fails, I love to make my sister roll her eyes and smile at my idiotic comments and most of all, I love the fact that I am at a time in my life when I feel all of the above with my whole being.

Am I a Romantic??? What say?