Sunday, 28 July 2013

of panics attacks and quarter-life crisis

Dear Reader, today I had my very first panic-attack. Now,I am not really the type to lose it but wow! did I go into major hyperventilate mode or what? Seriously though, I can feel the futility of my hysterics as the object over which I lost my senses; missing a tiny USB drive, was found minutes later. So really, why did I go overboard?

Honesty, I cannot say why this happened. However, I can tell you quite frankly that panic attacks are not pleasant at all. They leave you feeling physically drained and mentally exhausted. My chest hurt and I had difficulty breathing, so much so, that I felt like I was being choked.

My mother had to shake me to help me snap out of it. It would be comical, were it not so disturbing. I am generally calm and practical by nature and do not lose it often, yet, today, all it took was a little incident to send me into hysterics. 

As I sat in solitude, post meltdown, slurping a milkshake (comfort drink) I found myself thinking about all the others who suffer from panic- attacks entirely out of the blue. I realised that this phenomenon has become alarmingly common, especially amongst a certain set of individuals. They of the 'steely control over emotions' type.
I found, much to my horror the reason behind my embarrassing episode of hysterics (there were strangers present) - I am going through a Quarter-life crisis.  Yes Dear Reader it's unfortunately true! Much of my time is spent in complete isolation and I am becoming increasingly neurotic everyday. Somedays, I find myself doing things and saying stuff that is plain bonkers, and not necessarily in the good way.

Why is it that some of us are so susceptible to having a quarter- life crisis? In my case, I am probably the most collected (formerly) individual in my knowledge to be suffering through one. I suppose, that in my case it is the fact that I am at a stage in life when my life seems to be at a complete standstill. Were it not for my writing and this blog, I would have gone bat-shit crazy.

I previously thought that 'Quarter-Life Crisis' was new-age mumbo-jumbo to explain the erratic behaviour of misguided individuals. However, in my case I now want to state that it is an identity crisis as well as an existential one. So, I humbly beg the forgiveness from the cosmos for all those times when I curled my lips and pooh-poohed my fellow sufferers.

What happens, when in our 'quest to find ourselves', we take the wrong turn and end up getting lost? I send this question to all who have gone through something similar or just those wise and insightful people who could give Yoda a run for his money.   

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